Breaking the silence on boys' mental health: A call for positive masculinity

While everyone's shouting about gender equality, a quiet crisis is brewing: our boys are falling behind, battling silent struggles, and frankly, we’ve been letting them down. It’s kak, and it’s about time we started talking about it properly. For too long, the conversation’s been all about lifting up girls – which is befok important, don’t get me wrong – but we’ve been leaving our boys to drown in outdated ideas of what it means to “be a man”. ## So, What's Actually Going Wrong With Our Boys? The numbers don’t lie, bru. According to the Department of Basic Education’s (DBE) own ‘Thrive by Five’ report, boys are already starting school *behind* the girls. Jislaaik. They’re more likely to repeat grades, more likely to drop out altogether, and generally struggle more with literacy. It's not a lack of ability, apparently. Deputy Minister Reginah Mhaule put it plain: the environments around them have convinced them that showing any kind of vulnerability is weakness, asking for help is failure, and keeping quiet is strength. Think about it. How many times have you heard a boet told to "man up"? It's practically a national sport. But that kind of thinking is doing serious damage. It's creating a generation of guys who bottle everything up, leading to…well, we’ll get to that. It's a cycle, and it needs to be broken. ## The Patriarchy Problem: Is 'Being a Man' Actually Hurting Men? MEC Lebogang Maile isn’t holding back on this one. He’s calling out how a patriarchal society – the one that insists “it’s a man’s world” – is actively screwing over our guys. He’s right. It's not about blaming anyone, but acknowledging the systemic issues. This isn’t some woke agenda, it’s about understanding the real-world consequences of outdated norms. Maile points out that these norms normalise ignoring pain, taking unnecessary risks, and avoiding going to the doctor. Statistically, men are less likely to seek preventative care or counselling, and that leads to worse health outcomes. Eish. It’s a self-destructive cycle built on the idea that showing emotion is somehow…unmanly. ## Emotional Suppression: Why Asking For Help Isn't Weakness (It's Smart) Let’s be real, bru. We’ve all been there. Something’s bothering you, you’re feeling down, but you don’t want to seem weak, so you just…suffer in silence. It’s kak, and it’s destroying us. Deputy Minister Mhaule is spot on: suppressing emotions doesn’t build resilience, it leads to resentment, depression, and, tragically, violence. The answer? “Positive masculinity”. Not aggression or dominance, but emotional intelligence, equality, and building supportive relationships. It's about being a good human, not just a “tough guy”. It’s about knowing it’s okay to ask for help, whether it’s from a friend, a family member, or a professional. A good braai and a Castle Lite can only fix so much, boet. ## Where Are The Dads? The Absent Father Crisis & What It Means This is a tough one. The Department of Social Development’s ‘Boys Championing Change Programme’ paints a grim picture: “most boys grow up without a dad in their homes, without a father figure.” That’s a serious problem. The lack of a positive male role model can lead boys to engage in risky behaviours like substance abuse and gangsterism. Deputy Minister Mogamat Hendricks even issued a heartfelt apology “on behalf of absent fathers”. But it’s not just about guilt or blame. It’s about acknowledging the impact and working to provide support for these boys. Hendricks encouraged them to turn lemons into lemonade and find purpose, even when life throws curveballs. ## R3.2 Million & A Whole Lot More: What's Actually Being Done? Okay, so the government is finally putting some money where its mouth is. The DBE is reprioritising R3.2 million to the School-Related Gender-Based Violence (SRGBV) programme. That's a six-fold increase since 2020, which is a good start. But is it enough? Probably not. The initiatives aim to address the issues we’ve discussed – emotional suppression, harmful norms, and the lack of support for boys. It’s a step in the right direction, but it needs to be part of a broader, more sustained effort. We need to be talking about this in schools, in homes, and in communities. ## Toy Guns vs. Dolls: How Society Shapes Our Boys (And Why It's Kak) Deputy Minister Letsike dropped a truth bomb: we're literally teaching boys to be violent. Think about it. How often do you see a little girl being gifted a doll to nurture and care for, while a little boy gets a toy gun? “You did not teach boy children to take care of children, you gave them a gun — that’s society,” she said. It’s a subtle but powerful message that limits boys and reinforces harmful gender roles. We need to unlearn these norms and create a society where boys are free to express their emotions, pursue their interests, and be their authentic selves. It's about breaking the cycle. ## Healing The Boy Child: Why It's Not About Taking Sides This isn’t about starting a gender war. It’s not about saying that boys have it worse than girls. It’s about recognizing that *everyone* benefits when we create a more equitable and supportive society. As Deputy Minister Letsike said, when we heal the boy child, we strengthen families, protect communities, and deepen our democracy. It’s about building a better South Africa for everyone. It’s about a future where our boys can thrive, not just survive. **Verdict:** The situation facing our boys is serious, but it’s not hopeless. The fact that we’re finally having these conversations is a positive sign. The R3.2 million investment is a start, but we need a sustained, multi-faceted approach to address the root causes of the problem. It’s time to redefine masculinity and give our boys the support they deserve. But here's the real question: with load shedding crippling the economy and the price of biltong going through the roof, can we *afford* to invest in the future of our boys, or will we just keep letting them fall through the cracks? Click here to find out how economic policy impacts the next generation.